Showing posts with label Laughter. Show all posts

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Humerus R Us, Part Five – Medical Industry Humor

Having Humor Helps Health

By Rick Fromme

A Twisted Family Tradition ~ The Lime Jello Brain (Photo credit: hurleygurley)

In case you haven’t seen this series’ previous four blogs ― Why not? What are you waiting for? ― every month I google the Internet in order to tickle your fancy by sharing medical and health-related humor. The scientific name for the study of laughter and humor is Pfunniesology. No … seriously, it’s Gelotology.

As mentioned before, laughter has been found to:

Lower blood pressure
Increase vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood
Stimulate the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles
Reduce certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
Increase the response of tumor- and disease-killing cells, such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells
Defend against respiratory infections — even reducing the frequency of colds — by immunoglobulin in saliva
Increase memory and learning
Improve alertness, creativity, and memory

I don’t know about you, but to me it seems highly advantageous to imbibe a couple doses of this entertaining elixir every day. Here’s this month’s ’script of “Vitamin H”:

Brian Regan, Optometrist Humor

Doctor Dialogues

A doctor is doing rounds in the hospital and comes to visit a patient who’s had major surgery on both of his hands.
Patient: Doctor, was the surgery a success?
Doctor: Yes, it went very well.
Patient: Does this mean I’ll be able to play piano when the bandages are removed?
Doctor: Absolutely.
Patient: That’s fantastic! I was never able to play the piano before.

Doctor: Well, it’s evident you’ve been poisoned.
Patient: For goodness' sake! , With what, Doc?
Doctor: Don't worry, we'll find that out during dissection.

Doctor: Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!
Wife: Oh God, will he die?
Doctor: No. He’s not allowed to drink beer.

Dentist: Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient: And how much will it cost me?
Doctor: One hundred dollars
Patient: For a one minute procedure?!
Doctor: If you prefer, I can be pulling it out for one hour...

Nurse: Doctor, we lost our patient.
Doctor: What happened?
Nurse: He recovered.

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It’s a big building full of doctors.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.

Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80.
Patient: But doctor, I’m 80 now.
Doctor: See? What did I tell you?

Nurse: Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him right now. Next.

Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven’s aluminum foil. What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You have far too much free time.

Patient: Doctor, what do you recommend for excessive wind?
Doctor: A kite.

Doctor (to elderly patient): So, what you brought you in here today?
Patient: An ambulance.

ER: Child with a Fever

Punditry

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I’d hear myself that.

He had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

My coach got stung by a bee. The next day she had hives.

The swollen blood vessels in her veins were very quarrelsome ― she had bellicose veins.

For relief during cosmetic surgery they use an aesthetic.

He’s a Freud of psychoanalysis.

Pharmacists find their work to be very encapsulating.

I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.

Use This Handwash Style! (Barnet and Chase Farm Hospitals)

Quips ‘n’ Quotes

“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” — Walter Matthau

“She got her looks from her father: He’s a plastic surgeon.” ― Groucho Marx

“The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.” ― Voltaire

“’Y O U R F L Y I S O P E N’ would be a fun chart for an eye doctor.” ― Greg Tamblyn

“Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It’s like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: ‘Because of my mother.’” ― Robin Greenspan

“Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.” ― Jay Leno

“General anesthesia is so weird. You go to sleep in one room, then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college.” ― Ross Shafer

“The scrub sink ... is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won’t get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus’ upholstery.” ―Dave Barry

“When I was a kid, my doctor gave me candy so I’d have to see the dentist, who gave me small toys to swallow so I’d have to see the doctor. I think they came up with that one on Wednesday at the country club.” ― Ruminations.com

“My health insurance is cheap, but there are trade-offs. When I wanted to get a colonoscopy, they sent me a chimney sweep.” ― Greg Tamblyn

“The psychiatrist says "I'm OK and You're OK if the check's OK." ― Anonymous

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." ― Lord Byron

In this article, I briefly described some of the physiological benefits that Gelotology researchers have found can be attributed to regular "doses" of humor. I shared jokes, quotes, puns, videos and images to tickle your fancy and funny bone. If you liked this article, please pass it around and share it with others. If you'd like to leave a comment, link, joke, etc., please do so in the comments section below. Incidentally, Medmasters has its own social media group that's dedicated to promoting and sharing medical-related humor.

Rick Fromme combines entrepreneurial enthusiasm with an insider's knowledge of the medical industry to co-found MedMasters.com. Both his drive and perspective helps provide health care professionals with a superior mechanism with which to communicate, network and market their strengths. Prior to founding MedMasters.com, Rick operated a highly successful medical device distributorship. Other milestones in his 12-year career in the medical industry include a key position at a medical device start-up company that was later sold to the Ethicon Endo division of Johnson & Johnson. You may also reach Rick by connecting with him on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and YouTube.

Related Articles

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Humerus Я Us, Part 4

By Rick Fromme

As I’ve pointed out in earlier versions of this series, the study of laughter, scientifically known as gelotology, has repeatedly shown that humor, laughing, etc., creates a variety of positive physiological stimuli that affects our immune system, cardiopulmonary system and others. (See my previous blog, “Humerus Я Us.”)

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be laughing. So let’s get to it … Stat!

Specialty Related Humor

Pharmacology

As a pharmacist, I am often patients’ source of information about their medications. When one woman came to the pharmacy to get a refill on her suppositories, she asked me if I had any suggestions she could bring to her doctor. She said that the suppositories were not working. “And not only don’t they work, they hurt! Sometimes they even make me bleed!”

I looked at her prescription, pulled some suppositories from the shelf, and opened the box for her. She then showed me that the corners of the hard foil wrapper were sharp. Of course, I cringed when I realized that she was not removing the hard foil covers before inserting them.

Dentistry

An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked.

"Mrs. Sherman, your teeth are good for the next 50 years," the dentist beamed.

To which she replied,"I wonder … what will they do without me?"

Primary Care

A patient has a sore throat and goes to her doctor for a diagnosis. Doctor: “Your tonsils are infected and need to be removed,” the doctor says. I’ll refer you to an ENT.

“Doctor, with all due respect, I’d like a second opinion,” the dubious patient says.

“Okay,” quips the doctor. “You’re ugly, too. So I’ll also refer you to a cosmetic surgeon.”

OB/GYN

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No. 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What’s the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What’s the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

A Letter to The Patient's GP Please, Angela

A Baker’s Dozen of Tom Swifties

Created by Edward Stratemeyer, a Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a pithy phrase in which a sentence is linked by an adverbial pun that’s related to the subject of the phrase.

"We can take on one more patient today," Dr. Tom admitted.

"The pain’s between my sole and my heel," said Tom archly.

"I need a syringe of adrenaline, now!” barked Dr. Tom, with a bow.

"I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.

“The patient is Code Blue!” Dr. Tom shouted alarmingly.

"I wouldn't give that nursing student a grade of A," Professor Tom said beratingly.

"I dropped the toothpaste," signaled Tom, crestfallen.

“My new abstract is to be published in an upcoming book,” Professor Tom said contentedly.

"I feel terrible. I think I’m dying," Tom croaked.

"Don't add too much saline," said Dr. Tom with great concentration.

"This decay wasn't there before," said Tom neurotically.

"I won't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively.

"I'm glad I passed my EKG," Tom said wholeheartedly.

Season Three Bloopers Medical Course

Rhyme Time

The Dentist's Chair

In the dentist's chair I lie,
I am not brave, I think I'll cry.
He turns to me my tooth to fill,
I start to sweat I hear the drill.
I reach around and grab his crutch,
I begin to squeeze, but not too much.
I move my gaze his eyes to view.
“If you hurt me then I'll hurt you.”

Another Senior Moment

My eyes require an examination,
So I have to visit the optician.
As I walk along I can see the sign,
So for the door I make a beeline.
As I walk through the door I used,
I pause, more than a little confused.
I look around for a place to hide,
As I’ve just walked into the Nationwide.

Is it Urgent?

I awake unwell with swollen glands,
With fevered brow and sweaty hands.
I shake and shiver and cough and sneeze,
I sweat and flush and choke and wheeze.
I mutter and mumble and grunt and groan,
As I struggle downstairs to find the phone.
I first call work to let them know,
To the office today I will not show.
And then the doctor’s line I dial,
A stern voice answers in a while.
“What name?” is the curt response.
An appointment please, I say at once.
Well is it urgent? She retorts,
“Well, I’m not dying, just out of sorts.”
“You can see a doctor in three weeks time,”
“I hope to be better by then,” I chime.
“Shall I book you an appointment then?”
“No, if I’m not better I’ll call again.
But I'll say to you without offence,
If I’m still ill in three weeks hence,
I’ll eat my hat till I eat my fill
For I have never, ever been so ill.”

Bench Doctor Prank

Amused by the News

True Story

ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits

HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a ground-breaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift. The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl full of candy outside with a sign that says Take One’ — allowing one to get drunk and not be bothered by children.

Placing a large bowl of Percocet in the waiting room has drastically cut down on the number of patients checking in at Holy Cross Hospital’s ER. “We basically say you are on the honor system,” Dr. Runofsky told Gomerblog, quenching concerns about patients taking too many pills home. “They came here demanding ‘Pain Drugs’ so help yourself.”

Typically an ER physician will argue with patients all night long regarding narcotic prescriptions. This causes longer wait times in the ER waiting room for all other comers. People with sore arms, teeth, ears, frenulums, and chronic abdominal pain will visit local ERs at odd hours for the remote hope that they will be prescribed Percocet — Dilaudid if the opioid gods find favor them.

“At first I was a little cynical of this new plan,” Dr. Harvey told reporters. “I mean most pain patients are allergic to Vicodin, Percocet, Motrin, and Tylenol, therefore — and quite coincidentally — Dilaudid is the only medication that helps with their pain. Was I ever wrong! Last night we had a no-hitter. That is the first on the books.”

Local resident, Patricia Storm, who used to have a Tylenol allergy raves about the new program. “I used to have a Tylenol allergy but that is when I had to wait three hours to get Dilaudid! Now all I have to do is walk in take a handful of Percocet and head home. My day isn’t ruined by my 10/10 pain.”

Costs have fallen, storage closets are full of script pads, wait times are at record lows, and the ER hasn’t received a complaint in months. Dilaumed prescriptions, not to be confused with Dilaudid, have disappeared completely.

Critics argue some patients prefer Oxycodone and even Fentanyl lollipops for their pain. Dr. Runofsky replied with an easy solution, “They can wait if they want to.”

To date no one has.

In this article, I briefly described some of the physiological benefits researchers have found can be attributed to regular "doses" of laughter. I shared jokes, "Tom Swifties," funny headlines and a news story, poems, videos and images all designed to get you laughing. If you liked this article, please pass it around and share it with others. If you'd like to leave a comment, link, joke, etc., please do so in the comment section below.

Rick Fromme combines entrepreneurial enthusiasm with an insider's knowledge of the medical industry to co-found MedMasters.com. Both his drive and perspective helps provide health care professionals with a superior mechanism with which to communicate, network and market their strengths. Prior to founding MedMasters.com, Rick operated a highly successful medical device distributorship. Other milestones in his 12-year career in the medical industry include a key position at a medical device start-up company that was later sold to the Ethicon Endo division of Johnson & Johnson. You may also reach Rick by connecting with him on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and YouTube.

Humerus Я Us Part 3

By Rick Fromme

A patient was just coming awake in the recovery room. He complained, “The light is hurting my eyes, can you pull the blanket up over my head please?” His nurse responded, “I’d love to, but can you imagine how terrified the other patients will be when they see you like that?”

The study of laughter, scientifically known as gelotology, has repeatedly shown that humor, laughing, sharing anecdotes, feeling whimsical, etc., is actually good for us physically as well as psychologically. In addition to our core muscles and diaphragm getting stimulated, there are numerous biochemical reactions that are positively affected when we laugh. For example: lowered blood pressure, reduction of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, an increase in the response of tumor- and disease-killing cells such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells and much more. (See my previous blog, “Humerus Я Us.”)

But since humor’s the rub, let’s forgo anymore introductory “blurbiage” and get right to it. Laughing, that is.

Anesthetists Hymn

Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to a hard-of-hearing patient: "No, Mrs. Smith, not the hearse, I'm sending the nurse!"

“Unusual” Medical Abbreviations

ABITHAD – Another Blithering Idiot Thinks He’s a Doctor.

ATS – Acute Thespian Syndrome (patient is faking an illness)

ETK(T)M – Every Test Known To Medicine

FDGB – Fall Down Go Boom

GOMER – Get Out Of MY Emergency Room

LOLINAD – Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress

SALT – Same As Last Time

SWAG – Scientific Wild Arse Guess

TMB – Too Many Birthdays

TEETH – Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy

UDI – Unexplainable Drinking Injury

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient 20 feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. — Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

Punography

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I can’t remember it any more.

If you lose your hearing is it ear replaceable.

Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

I can’t see my blind spots.

The patient had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

For relief during cosmetic surgery procedures, they use an aesthetic.

Difficult psychological patient: One that’s a Freud of psychoanalysis.

Pharmacists find their work to be very encapsulating.

New parents-to-be have many misconceptions about pregnancy.

What? These medical puns aren’t funny to you? You may be suffering from an irony deficiency.

Medical Lingo

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's right anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed her. "Yes, doctor,” she sighed nostalgically, “they used to be." — Dr. Richard Byrnes

4,000 Years of Medical Progress

2000 BC: Here, eat this food.

1000 AD: That food is heathen! Here, say this prayer.

1568 AD: That prayer is superstion! Here, let's bleed you.

1865 AD: Bleeding is hogwash! Here, drink this special potion.

1935 AD: That potion is snake oil! Here, swallow this pill.

1975 AD: That pill is ineffective! Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 AD: That antibiotic is poison! Here, eat this food.

A bulk email sent to all staff of a local hospital: "The Joint Commission is coming today. Please no shouting matches with the nurses while they are around."

Doctors vs. Patients

A 20-year-old female arrived at the ER complaining of lower abdominal pain. During the examination, she denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and, lo and behold, it came back positive. The doctor then returned to the female patient’s examining room.

Doctor:  "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive.  Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
Patient:  "Sexually active?  No doctor, I just lay there."
Doctor:  "I see.  Well, do you know who the father is?"
Patient:  "No.  Who?"

Medical Transcription Errors

D = Dictation T = Transcription

D: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceased
T: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceived

D: ... recurrent or persistent cough
T: ... recurrent ecosystem cough

D: No history of GTN or pregnancy induced hypertension
T: No history of GTN or pregnancy due to hypertension

D: She was knocked by a car and brought to the ER unconscious.
T: She was mocked by a car and brought to the ER unconscious.

D: Today, she’s eating liquids with much difficulty. She doesn’t eat much solids.
T: Today, she’s eating liquids with much difficulty. She doesn’t eat much salads.

D: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As described above.
T: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As prescribed above.

One of the nursing students from the local community college was supposed to collect a sterile urine specimen from her patient. Imagine the surprise on the staff nurse's faces when they found the student sterilizing the urine in the unit kitchen — by boiling it on the stove!

At a veterinarian’s office, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring with each other. After a few moments into this heated exchange, a vet tech came to her co-worker’s defense. “Sir,” she said sternly, “do you know happens to aggressive males in this office?”

Funny Fido

In this article, I briefly reviewed the health benefits scientific research has discovered about the positive effects of laughter humor and laughter, scientifically known as the study of gelotology. I also shared jokes, dictation errors, puns, videos, cartoons and other medically related humor. If you found it useful or amusing, please click Like and Share. Also, please leave a comment (or even a joke or two) below. Spread the laughter.