Friday, November 21, 2014

Humerus Я Us, Part 8

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By Яick Fromme

The turkey's been dropped on the floor,
The gravy refuses to pour;
The taters are lumpy,
And Grandpa is grumpy;
But Thanksgiving's a day I adore.

At long last, the holidays are upon us. I don't know about you, but this is my favorite time of year. So I thought for this edition of "Humerus Я Us," I'd intersperse this column's medical humor with some Thanksgiving Day mirth as well.

I won't go into a lot of detail re: the medical benefits of laughter (the study of which is known as Gelotology). Suffice to say that should you care to learn more about the physiology of a good guffaw, check out the first blog in this series, "Humerus Я Us." In the meantime, I'll have six slices of turkey and please pass the cherry-flavored Gelotology

Quick Quips

Q: What do you call two podiatrists reading an ECG?
A: A double blind trial.

Q: What did the patient say to the annoying doctor during her liposuction surgery?
A: Doc, you're really starting to get under my skin!

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Q: What the reluctant blood donor say to the phlebotomist?
A: I don't give blood too often; it's such a draining procedure. 

Q: Why was the painter hospitalized?
A: Because he'd had too many strokes.

Q: What diagnosis does one give when encountering a patient that swallowed their PC keyboard?
A: Irritable vowel syndrome.

Q: What's the best thing to have near you when you get tired?
A: A knapsack.

Q: Did you hear about the doctor who lost her patient?
A: He recovered.

Top Ten Medical Sales Interview Bloopers

Gobble Up These Thanksgiving One Liners 


I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I only see twice a year.

Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths. 
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For the first time, we are going to have a Happy Thanksgiving. This year, I'm stuffing the turkey withProzac!

If you didn’t want to sit at the kids’ table then you shouldn’t have seen the new "Twilight" movie.

The best way to stuff a turkey is feed it lots of pizza and ice cream.
Did you know a turkey can fly higher than the Empire State Building?  That's because the Empire State Building can't fly at all.

Reality for Thought

Neurotics build castles in the air.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists are the people who collect the rent.

Funny Thanksgiving Showdown - Farmer vs. Turkey

The American Medical Association Weighs in on ObamaCare

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,
but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

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Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!”
while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing
and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Cosmetic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,
and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out,
leaving the entire decision up to the arse holes in Washington.


Grocery Store
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A woman was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.  She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied "No they're dead."

Pro Football Turkey 

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" 

Thanksgiving al a "The Lone Ranger Theme" (Rossini's "William Tell Overture")

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A Diagnosis in Doubt

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.

The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has the man put his dog down on the examination table.  The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.  

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body.  The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.  
the vet and meows.  The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

So then the vet brings in a black labrador.  The labrador sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.  The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.  The vet answers, "$650.”

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?!" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis.  The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab test."

T-Day Q & A 

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Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock.

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims.

Q: Why can't you take a turkey to a religious service?
A: They use fowl language. 

Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It had 24 carrots. 

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.
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Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?
A: Goblet. 

Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn?
A: Where's popcorn?

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! 

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Change of Careers

After several years as an Ob/Gyn, a doctor decides he's tired of what he's been doing and wants to change careers. He wonders what other type of work he can do.  After some thought, the Ob/Gyn remembers how much he liked automotive class in school and, since he's good with his hands, he decides to become an auto mechanic.  He enrolls at the community college automotive school.

Upon his completion of his course, the final exam consists of taking a car engine apart and putting it back together.  

The former doctor turns in his final project and, to his astonishment, receives a grade of 150%.  After class, the Ob/Gyn asks the instructor, "You know, I've gotten plenty of 100%'s in my life, but how does someone get 150%?"

"Well," responds the instructor, "I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart, 50% for putting the engine back together and ... another 50% for doing everything through the muffler.”

Happy Thanksgiving - Funny Ad Robert de Niro & Billy Crystal

In this eighth edition of "Humerus Я Us," I shared both medical/healthcare-related humor as well as humor pertaining to Thanksgiving. If you liked this article, please pass it around and share it with others. If you'd like to share your thoughts, a link, a joke, etc., please do so in the Comments section below.  Happy Thanksgiving! 

Rick Fromme combines entrepreneurial enthusiasm with an insider's knowledge of the medical industry to co-found Both his drive and perspective helps provide health care professionals with a superior mechanism with which to communicate, network and market their strengths. Prior to founding, Rick operated a highly successful medical device distributorship. Other milestones in his 12-year career in the medical industry include a key position at a medical device start-up company that was later sold to the Ethicon Endo division of Johnson & Johnson. You may also reach Rick by connecting with him on FacebookTwitterGoogle+LinkedIn and YouTube.

1 comment:

  1. This series is so much fun; I've always liked medically related humor. Reminds me of when I used to look through my father's medical-related cartoon books (he was a surgeon).