Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Humerus Я Us, Part 4

By Rick Fromme

As I’ve pointed out in earlier versions of this series, the study of laughter, scientifically known as gelotology, has repeatedly shown that humor, laughing, etc., creates a variety of positive physiological stimuli that affects our immune system, cardiopulmonary system and others. (See my previous blog, “Humerus Я Us.”)

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be laughing. So let’s get to it … Stat!

Specialty Related Humor

Pharmacology

As a pharmacist, I am often patients’ source of information about their medications. When one woman came to the pharmacy to get a refill on her suppositories, she asked me if I had any suggestions she could bring to her doctor. She said that the suppositories were not working. “And not only don’t they work, they hurt! Sometimes they even make me bleed!”

I looked at her prescription, pulled some suppositories from the shelf, and opened the box for her. She then showed me that the corners of the hard foil wrapper were sharp. Of course, I cringed when I realized that she was not removing the hard foil covers before inserting them.

Dentistry

An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked.

"Mrs. Sherman, your teeth are good for the next 50 years," the dentist beamed.

To which she replied,"I wonder … what will they do without me?"

Primary Care

A patient has a sore throat and goes to her doctor for a diagnosis. Doctor: “Your tonsils are infected and need to be removed,” the doctor says. I’ll refer you to an ENT.

“Doctor, with all due respect, I’d like a second opinion,” the dubious patient says.

“Okay,” quips the doctor. “You’re ugly, too. So I’ll also refer you to a cosmetic surgeon.”

OB/GYN

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No. 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What’s the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: What’s the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

A Letter to The Patient's GP Please, Angela

A Baker’s Dozen of Tom Swifties

Created by Edward Stratemeyer, a Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a pithy phrase in which a sentence is linked by an adverbial pun that’s related to the subject of the phrase.

"We can take on one more patient today," Dr. Tom admitted.

"The pain’s between my sole and my heel," said Tom archly.

"I need a syringe of adrenaline, now!” barked Dr. Tom, with a bow.

"I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.

“The patient is Code Blue!” Dr. Tom shouted alarmingly.

"I wouldn't give that nursing student a grade of A," Professor Tom said beratingly.

"I dropped the toothpaste," signaled Tom, crestfallen.

“My new abstract is to be published in an upcoming book,” Professor Tom said contentedly.

"I feel terrible. I think I’m dying," Tom croaked.

"Don't add too much saline," said Dr. Tom with great concentration.

"This decay wasn't there before," said Tom neurotically.

"I won't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively.

"I'm glad I passed my EKG," Tom said wholeheartedly.

Season Three Bloopers Medical Course

Rhyme Time

The Dentist's Chair

In the dentist's chair I lie,
I am not brave, I think I'll cry.
He turns to me my tooth to fill,
I start to sweat I hear the drill.
I reach around and grab his crutch,
I begin to squeeze, but not too much.
I move my gaze his eyes to view.
“If you hurt me then I'll hurt you.”

Another Senior Moment

My eyes require an examination,
So I have to visit the optician.
As I walk along I can see the sign,
So for the door I make a beeline.
As I walk through the door I used,
I pause, more than a little confused.
I look around for a place to hide,
As I’ve just walked into the Nationwide.

Is it Urgent?

I awake unwell with swollen glands,
With fevered brow and sweaty hands.
I shake and shiver and cough and sneeze,
I sweat and flush and choke and wheeze.
I mutter and mumble and grunt and groan,
As I struggle downstairs to find the phone.
I first call work to let them know,
To the office today I will not show.
And then the doctor’s line I dial,
A stern voice answers in a while.
“What name?” is the curt response.
An appointment please, I say at once.
Well is it urgent? She retorts,
“Well, I’m not dying, just out of sorts.”
“You can see a doctor in three weeks time,”
“I hope to be better by then,” I chime.
“Shall I book you an appointment then?”
“No, if I’m not better I’ll call again.
But I'll say to you without offence,
If I’m still ill in three weeks hence,
I’ll eat my hat till I eat my fill
For I have never, ever been so ill.”

Bench Doctor Prank

Amused by the News

True Story

ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits

HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a ground-breaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift. The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl full of candy outside with a sign that says Take One’ — allowing one to get drunk and not be bothered by children.

Placing a large bowl of Percocet in the waiting room has drastically cut down on the number of patients checking in at Holy Cross Hospital’s ER. “We basically say you are on the honor system,” Dr. Runofsky told Gomerblog, quenching concerns about patients taking too many pills home. “They came here demanding ‘Pain Drugs’ so help yourself.”

Typically an ER physician will argue with patients all night long regarding narcotic prescriptions. This causes longer wait times in the ER waiting room for all other comers. People with sore arms, teeth, ears, frenulums, and chronic abdominal pain will visit local ERs at odd hours for the remote hope that they will be prescribed Percocet — Dilaudid if the opioid gods find favor them.

“At first I was a little cynical of this new plan,” Dr. Harvey told reporters. “I mean most pain patients are allergic to Vicodin, Percocet, Motrin, and Tylenol, therefore — and quite coincidentally — Dilaudid is the only medication that helps with their pain. Was I ever wrong! Last night we had a no-hitter. That is the first on the books.”

Local resident, Patricia Storm, who used to have a Tylenol allergy raves about the new program. “I used to have a Tylenol allergy but that is when I had to wait three hours to get Dilaudid! Now all I have to do is walk in take a handful of Percocet and head home. My day isn’t ruined by my 10/10 pain.”

Costs have fallen, storage closets are full of script pads, wait times are at record lows, and the ER hasn’t received a complaint in months. Dilaumed prescriptions, not to be confused with Dilaudid, have disappeared completely.

Critics argue some patients prefer Oxycodone and even Fentanyl lollipops for their pain. Dr. Runofsky replied with an easy solution, “They can wait if they want to.”

To date no one has.

In this article, I briefly described some of the physiological benefits researchers have found can be attributed to regular "doses" of laughter. I shared jokes, "Tom Swifties," funny headlines and a news story, poems, videos and images all designed to get you laughing. If you liked this article, please pass it around and share it with others. If you'd like to leave a comment, link, joke, etc., please do so in the comment section below.

Rick Fromme combines entrepreneurial enthusiasm with an insider's knowledge of the medical industry to co-found MedMasters.com. Both his drive and perspective helps provide health care professionals with a superior mechanism with which to communicate, network and market their strengths. Prior to founding MedMasters.com, Rick operated a highly successful medical device distributorship. Other milestones in his 12-year career in the medical industry include a key position at a medical device start-up company that was later sold to the Ethicon Endo division of Johnson & Johnson. You may also reach Rick by connecting with him on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and YouTube.

Humerus Я Us Part 2

By Rick Fromme

"I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist!" (Photo credit: JD Hancock)

A new father calls his pediatrician’s office and is very concerned. “I need to speak with the doctor; this may be an emergency. Our baby has a temperature of 102.”
The doctor, upon being informed of the situation, instructs his new receptionist, “Find out how he’s taking the baby's temperature.”
So the receptionist asks the young dad, “How are you taking it?”
To which the father replies, “Oh, I’m holding up ok.”

<Sound of heartbeat: “Flub dub bum!” Followed by cymbal crash.>

Those of you who read my first installment of this series will recall there’s plenty of research and evidence pointing to laughter’s positive effects on our immune system and other biological systems; not to mention it just feels good psychological to laugh. Humor’s positive effects stimulate several different physiological processes nearly instantaneously. The field of gelotology has repeatedly shown that humor is a “better” pill we should swallow on a daily basis.

Laughing matters. So let’s have at it.

Not So Chart Smart

“The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.”

“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got separated."

“Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”

“The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.”

“On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared!”

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

“Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.”

“Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

“Patient complained of having ‘harbor tunnel syndrome.’”

“The patient refused autopsy.”

“Patient complained of having anxiety related to hospital bills.”

“She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

A Five-Year-Old’s 911 Call Turns Funny

A Joke a Day Keeps the Collywobbles at Bay

I was caring for a woman and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
— Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours,” and abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it ®. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, but that his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.” — From Café Mom

Sally walked in to the dentist’s office to schedule an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” she asked.
“It’s $130,” the dentist replied.
“$130!” gasped Sally, “that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to do it cheaper.”

“Well,” said the dentist thoughtfully, “I suppose if we don’t numb it first, we could knock off $30.”
“Only $30?” countered Sally, “that’s still $100 out of pocket. Can you do it any cheaper?”
The dentist thought a moment. “I suppose if we simply yanked it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.”
“Perfect,” smiled Sally. “I’d like to make an appointment for next Tuesday. It’s for my husband.”

A pediatric nurse often has the painful job of giving shots to the children. One day upon entering the examining room to give a shot, a little girl starting screaming “NO! NO! NO!”
“Meagan” her mother scolded, “that’s not polite behavior!”
At that the girl continued to scream, “NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!”

A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs … and I was in the wrong one. — Dr. Mark MacDonald

Before going in for surgery, a patient thought it’d be funny if he posted a note on himself telling the surgeon to be careful. After the surgery he found another note next to the incision. “Anyone know where my cell phone is?!”

Knock. Knock.
“Who’s there?”
“HIPAA.”
“HIPAA who?”
“Sorry, I can’t tell you that.”

What Does the Spleen Do? A Harvard Medical School Production

It’s All in the Name

Dr. John Looney (Psychiatrist)
Dr. D. Cure (Internal Medicine)
Dr. Alden Cockburn (Urologist)
Dr. John Heine (Proctologist)
Dr. Gary Ricketts (Dietician)
Dr. John Spine (Orthopedist)
Dr. Cynthia Rasch (Dermatologist)
Dr. Bonnie Beaver (Gynecologist)
Dr. Lana Cain (Pain Specialist)
Dr. David Dickoff (Urologist)
Dr. Edmond Lipp (Dentist)
Dr. Wan Pinn (Acupuncturist)
Dr. Rebecca Pishkoff (Nephrologist)
Dr. Phillip Hipps (Orthopedist)
Dr. Charles Payne (Pain Specialist)
Dr. Long Vu (Opthamologist)
Dr. Maroon Dick (Urologist)
Dr. Michael Achey (Primary Care)
Dr. H'doubler Peter (Urologist)
Dr. Dan Medic (Emergency Room)

If Women's Medication Ads Gained Self-Awareness

Limericks

A patient who kept getting worse,
cried out, "I must go home now, nurse!
You've done all your best,
and performed every test;
but I've come to the end of my purse!"

Reviewing the charts is a pain,
Poor handwriting gives me eyestrain.
By the end of the shift,
What I need is a lift.
Not further assault on my brain.

— Betty Ann Cassano, RN

Treatment of atrial fibrillation,
With radiofrequency ablation
Can perf your esophagus,
Cause problems infectious,
And send air through the circulation.

— By William J. Stone, MD

An anesthesiologist named Fred,
had a fetish about loving the dead;
He’d bring home a date,
When the evening was late
And put her to sleep before bed!

A young female nurse named Cecilia,
Would work overtime just to heal ya’.
Except she would not
Touch a needle or shot
because she suffered from hemophilia.

Cats Acting Strangely After a Veterinary Surgery

Emergency Medicine Haikus (The haiku is an ancient form of Japanese poetry where the first stanza has five syllables, the second has seven, and the third has five.)

You are here again.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are here again.

Normal X-ray film.
But cannot rule out disease.
Suggest CAT scan now.

Four a.m. pages.
“Doc, this patient seems depressed.”
Clown to bedside STAT!

Night ambulance call.
The itchy rash not so bad.
Why call me at two?

Cool procedure, but
Biohazard on my shoes.
Please, clean up your trays.

Ice outside all week.
Lots of fall down and go boom
Ortho here they come!— By “Seaglass”

The Gram Positive Bacteria Song

Fractured Medical Terminology

Adenoma: What you say to your mother when you don’t have an answer
Alimentary: What Sherlock Holmes said to Dr. Watson
Antepartum: When your mother or father’s sister goes home
Artery: The study of paintings
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria
Bandages: The Rolling Stones
Barium: What doctors do with dead patients
Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in ancient Rome
CAT Scan: Searching for a cat
Colic: A breed of sheep dog
Coma: A punctuation mark
D&C: Where our nation’s capitol is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Opposite of a friend
Fester: Quicker than someone else
Ganglia: A very tall, thin person
Genital: Not Jewish
GI Series: World series of military baseball
Hangnail: Used to hang a coat upon
Herpes: What women do in the bathroom
Hippocampus: A medical school for hippopotami
Labor Pain: Injuring yourself at work
Medical Staff: A doctor’s walking cane
Morbid: Continuing financial bartering
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Node: Past tense of knew
Outpatient: A patient who fainted
Pelvis: 1^st cousin to Elvis (who taught him to dance)
Protein: In favor of young adults
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Seizure: Roman emperor
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Tumor: More than one
Varicose: Nearby
Vas Deferens: A big dissimilarity

ERronneous Situations

EMTs received a frantic call from a woman who claimed she’d overdosed and needed help immediately. They arrived on scene and she handed them an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.

EMTs were transporting a code through downtown at 5 p.m. on a Friday. Traffic is terrible, and their lights and siren were of little help. The passenger gets on the external PA and starts talking to the drivers of the surrounding cars. He’s yelling, “Move to your right! (pause) Move to your right!” Apparently one driver became confused because the EMT exclaimed, “No! Your other right, you idiot!”

An ER nurse was reviewing an elderly female patient’s surgical history and asked if she’d been bedridden after her hip fracture. She replied, “Not since my husband was alive.”

EMS was called to a crash where driver had lost control of vehicle and crashed into cellular phone store. Ironically, the driver had been on talking on his cell phone when he careened into the store front.

In this article, I briefly reviewed the health benefits scientific research has discovered about the positive effects of laughter humor and laughter, scientifically known as the study of gelotology. I also shared jokes, quotes, limericks, haikus, videos, cartoons and other medically related humor. If you found it useful or amusing, please click Like and Share. Also, please leave a comment (or even a joke or two) below. Laughter’s infectious; spread it around.