Humerus Я Us Part 3

By Rick Fromme

 

A patient was just coming awake in the recovery room. He complained, “The light is hurting my eyes, can you pull the blanket up over my head please?” His nurse responded, “I’d love to, but can you imagine how terrified the other patients will be when they see you like that?”

The study of laughter, scientifically known as gelotology, has repeatedly shown that humor, laughing, sharing anecdotes, feeling whimsical, etc., is actually good for us physically as well as psychologically.  In addition to our core muscles and diaphragm getting stimulated, there are numerous biochemical reactions that are positively affected when we laugh. For example: lowered blood pressure, reduction of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, an increase in the response of tumor- and disease-killing cells such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells and much more. (See my previous blog, “Humerus  Я Us.”) 

But since humor’s the rub, let’s forgo anymore introductory “blurbiage” and get right to it. Laughing, that is.

                                                Anesthetists Hymn

Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to a hard-of-hearing patient: "No, Mrs. Smith, not the hearse, I'm sending the nurse!" 

 

“Unusual” Medical Abbreviations

ABITHAD – Another Blithering Idiot Thinks He’s a Doctor.

ATS – Acute Thespian Syndrome (patient is faking an illness)

ETK(T)M – Every Test Known To Medicine

FDGB – Fall Down Go Boom 

GOMER – Get Out Of MY Emergency Room

LOLINAD – Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress

SALT – Same As Last Time

SWAG – Scientific Wild Arse Guess

TMB – Too Many Birthdays

TEETH – Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy

UDI – Unexplainable Drinking Injury

 

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient 20 feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.  — Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

Punography

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I can’t remember it any more.

If you lose your hearing is it ear replaceable.

Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

I can’t see my blind spots.

The patient had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

For relief during cosmetic surgery procedures, they use an aesthetic.

Difficult psychological patient: One that’s a Freud of psychoanalysis.

Pharmacists find their work to be very encapsulating.

New parents-to-be have many misconceptions about pregnancy.

What? These medical puns aren’t funny to you? You may be suffering from an irony deficiency. 

Medical Lingo

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's right anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed her. "Yes, doctor,” she sighed nostalgically, “they used to be." — Dr. Richard Byrnes 

 

4,000 Years of Medical Progress

2000 BC: Here, eat this food.

1000 AD:  That food is heathen! Here, say this prayer.

1568 AD: That prayer is superstion! Here, let's bleed you.

1865 AD: Bleeding is hogwash! Here, drink this special potion.

1935 AD: That potion is snake oil! Here, swallow this pill.

1975 AD: That pill is ineffective! Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 AD: That antibiotic is poison! Here, eat this food.

 

A bulk email sent to all staff of a local hospital: "The Joint Commission is coming today. Please no shouting matches with the nurses while they are around."    

 

Doctors vs. Patients

A  20-year-old female arrived at the ER complaining of lower abdominal pain.  During the examination, she denied being sexually active.  The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and, lo and behold, it came back positive.  The doctor then returned to the female patient’s examining room.

Doctor:  "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive.  Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
Patient:  "Sexually active?  No doctor, I just lay there."
Doctor:  "I see.  Well, do you know who the father is?"
Patient:  "No.  Who?" 

Medical Transcription Errors

D = Dictation  T = Transcription

D: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceased
T: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceived

D:  ... recurrent or persistent cough
T: ... recurrent ecosystem cough

D: No history of GTN or pregnancy induced hypertension
T: No history of GTN or pregnancy due to hypertension

D: She was knocked by a car and brought to the ER unconscious.
T: She was mocked by a car and brought to the ER unconscious.

D: Today, she’s eating liquids with much difficulty. She doesn’t eat much solids.
T: Today, she’s eating liquids with much difficulty. She doesn’t eat much salads.

D: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As described above.
T: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As prescribed above.

One of the nursing students from the local community college was supposed to collect a sterile urine specimen from her patient.  Imagine the surprise on the staff nurse's faces when they found the student sterilizing the urine in the unit kitchen — by boiling it on the stove! 

At a veterinarian’s office, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring with each other. After a few moments into this heated exchange, a vet tech came to her co-worker’s defense. “Sir,” she said sternly, “do you know happens to aggressive males in this office?”

 Funny Fido

In this article, I briefly reviewed the health benefits scientific research has discovered about the positive effects of laughter humor and laughter, scientifically known as the study of gelotology. I also shared jokes, dictation errors, puns, videos, cartoons and other medically related humor.  If you found it useful or amusing, please click Like and Share. Also, please leave a comment (or even a joke or two) below. Spread the laughter.  

Rick Fromme combines entrepreneurial enthusiasm with an insider's knowledge of the medical industry to co-found MedMasters.com. Both his drive and perspective helps provide health care professionals with a superior mechanism with which to communicate, network and market their strengths. Prior to founding MedMasters.com, Rick operated a highly successful medical device distributorship. Other milestones in his 12-year career in the medical industry include a key position at a medical device start-up company that was later sold to the Ethicon Endo division of Johnson & Johnson. You may also reach Rick by connecting with him on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and YouTube. 

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